not much

theres more to it but

too reluctant to suffer to make anything that means anything to anyone. too ready to repress anything not desireable. in a way that is more likely to lead to a life the middle classes would call sane than a life of whatever we think art can give us. the craziness expresses itself in some sporadic outburts. maybe ill collect something. any sick housewife. im excited

im not finishing these thoughts i wanna put clothes on not think

being pickier. having nothing to choose from
you always have things to choose from. but somtehing youre not looking for, is also gonna be not looking for you. 
law of whatever. theres always wrong lives wrong decisions youre saying no to. 
making less mistakes, having less crushing memories to look back to 


the story is written after it happens. as it happens no corner is darker than any other corner. and when it is, wed know better than to describe it as such.

expensive cafees, living someone elses life for 45 minutes

middle class girls going to expensive cafees, as if going somewhere you dont belong isnt bad for your soul. taking photos of it, it hurting a little bit when its 5 times what you could be paying for a coffee. blogging "one day i dream of owning a gucci bag, but this will due until then" is at least showing some sort of restraint in being a delusional mess but dreaming about it is bad too.
now, fine, thats a lot of talking from someone whos in love with someone that without a doubt is upper class, but you know, eh, introspection is something else. 
anything you have to justify to yourself in order to buy, you shouldnt have. this is as true for me.

the reward not the act

people get everything confused all the time. you need to worry about the cause. always. bad skin isnt bad skin, its a bad life
doing the right thing for the wrong reason, eventually, might become, the right thing. its more of the right thing than doing the wrong thing at least, but its much more likely that youll be doing the right thing so negligently, so  stupididy, not knowing youre holding something fragile, a light that is easily blown out, and youll have so much time, all of your time, actually, to pervert it. and when youre perverted, and you are, you cant help but pervert everything and anything you touch. 
you feel better when its less clutter. but committing to a thing like miniamlism, for the greed of spending less, for the aesthetic, makes you think youre good. makes you think theres something pure about this. and as a result you get even less pure than you would than if you were doing the wrong thing, knowing its wrong. 
doing isnt all. how and why. isnt even all. but its more. 
wanting to look good becomes that. not health. becomes sacrificing everything for that. 
most people dont wanna spend their life working. they want money so they can spend it. poor person mindset. what would we do if we all of a sudden got money we hadnt deservered. not, what if we worked for it. lets skip that. of course. lets skip the part in the movie where the main character struggles. 
 i have a problem with context, and i regulary think its a problem, and sometimes it is. but its also just not making assumptions i cant afford. now. of course. fine. most of the time you can afford them. but words mean something else, always. someone being a minimalist isnt what ive decided it is. and you half romantizicing it because it looks nice isnt the same as an old man who has realized he doesnt need or want more from this world. but it also has to extend. it cant just be sacridicing some comforts. it needs to be much more. trying is fine, but i dont look up to trying. 
someone writing a book isnt impressive unless ive read and loved the book. it isnt the achivement, it isnt the word of the thing, it is what that becomes in the world. theres as many addictions as there are people. sickness is more widespread in us and in others than we know. than we have words for. dont let the suit be why you cant spot sickness 


eventually people will stop reading a blog youre never updating! huh! i cant believe it 





*whispers* were so much bigger than the world

well, i am



capitalism and men

swearing off capitalism and men makes no sense. when there no love capitalism is all thats left. poor substitutes for a life is now your life. 
pick a better path. 

i dont have anything to say for now!



its convinient to blame everything on your perspective but when everythings this small. why would we ever consider we wont always be? 

im listening to something thats forcing me to give up daysdreams im not so sure were mine to begin with. 50:29 minutes of frowning! 

a man talking about being practical about the future. heres the future. i cant stand anything this small and i dont have it in me to work for anything thats big enough to fit me

im going to bed 

were going back to the forest. were forgetting how to speak.


phone notes

you have to choose a city you have to build a life
buying a sweater, setting it on fire, looking for it in your closet, asking someone if theyve seen it, waiting for it to appear.
being clueless to the fire. being in its mercy. each time reaching out to see if it burns
each step thinking your knees wont hold

reasonable people making excuses for unreasonable people.

a man in a suit inviting other men in suits to watch the workers work a new machine. a ribbon cutting ceremony, a string quartet greeting them as the door opens. cheering smiling laughing playing along because they will need him to play along later. taking credit for work theyve never done and mostly get in the way of. asking the workers, already wearing shirts with the name of the company, to wear a hat for a photo. not knowing what to do when hes told no. 
i would be less vague if i wanted to name names but i dont. so thats what youre getting thats what i was told. you can guess by who. i know one reasonable man. 
bad men are never called bad men. when we make monsters out of men we cant spot the monsters in men until hes eaten us whole. bad men are empty men. bad men are egotistical men. bad men are all around. im not reasonable, or a man, and i dont need to, and i wont, call you nice

here is


its longing you want and thats already yours.


dont go running off to the woods without me

lets wait until june before we throw our calendars out 


 we decide whos family. and if we arent allowed to the word starts to mean something else 



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