this isnt coming from a place where light goes

No duh, you dont compare to this eras most physically attractive. the look yuve been fed as the ideal isnt you and wont be no matter what you do 

you dont need to lie to yourself to see the truth in it. models dont look like models. they do look a hell of a lot prettier than us though. the price the pay is their whole life being this. and after that, remembering this

you can build something that isnt made out of flesh. made out of your flesh. build something that wont start to rot once your face looses its elasticity.

your face needs no inward light to light you up and then you turn 49

understanding and dead stares

i dont have a problem with opening up. i mean, yes, of course i do. but not to the extent i think. 
its mostly about that dead stare. that complete lack of understanding you see in most people.
i used to look for understanding everywhere because i had never felt it, in any way, at all. ive felt it now. and i dont need every blonde to see me clearly or at all. 
opening up and someone finding nothing in there is whats upsetting. so, you save yourself some trouble. let me redo that. so, i save myself some trouble, and i dont. 
ill explain anything if i think you can understand it. if i dont, and ive given up, thats on you more than it is on me. i know no one is everything, but You need to learn it too.

ive been spending something around 20 minutes looking at photos of some model

being famous comes at the price of being seen. in a way where it has nothing to do with you and its never you theyre watching 
i have moments of being completly critical of you (that, unlike what shed think, does has everything to do with her and what she symbolizes) but what it has nothing to do anything with is me. this is a worse world. theres millions of them. this ones not special.
a loss of the opportunity to live a life thats all about you, for a while, is a blessing. it wont stop being a blessing no matter how many designer dresses you think youre missing out on.
its not about coming to terms with not being beautiful, its coming to terms with not being the best in yet another thing. it kills me to see women do nothing with what i think id do everything if i had. but it wouldnt be like that. beautiful women find another reason. the world does their best to keep them from developing and the world does a good job. you wear pins in your 30s. you get cats instead of babies. 

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