‪everything of value is easily ruined and easily cursed ‬

a baby bird. a small spark of light. potential but not a promise 

showing people you have more now, that you are more now, means you dont and youre not. 

i need them to not know. i can never be the person that tells them




i try to think of it like. what would vernon think of this. but you know. i wouldnt know. lets gossip about an old woman thats bugging me
the small petty problems people, especially the ones with not so much to do but even the ones with more to do than theyre doing, create for themselves in an office are fascinating. the small hints they either dont know theyre sending or think youre too stupid to see. people cant help but be everything theyre feeling, all the time.
so youre 22. a 60 year old woman doesnt think twice giving you a mean stare. theres no empathy in these people just as theres no empathy in us. more so because were aware of it, but not by much. the complete unawareness.
its t in the excuses. in the small hostile acts. 
complaining about the tiniest thing, being bothered by the tiniest thing, assigning hostile intentions to everyone. you know theyre talking about you because they are. because when you spend 8 hours in a room, most of thats wasted

nonsense. the worlds built of it and from it more than its built of steel. maybe rocks the better word

you wouldnt believe, or maybe you would, how much nonsense there is in the world.
i might have explained it already.
over 8 hours you wouldnt believe how little and how much happens. all these people running around, doin gwhat theyre supposed to. 
waiting to escape waiting to get away can be a whole life and it clearly is. 
the work is useless. all these things that are meant to be archived and sorted. kept forever. or until the war. thanks for sorting these papers, we will use them to light a fire now.
a man came and asked about an art work. wanted to know where it went. youd wonder for what. or maybe thats me.
i feel sick being part of it. telling people where to sit and who to wait for. calling people saying their visit is here. call me and tell me my visits not here and i should go home. no amount of dresses are worth the price im paying in soul. 
the insight i get from it is mostly horryfing but its also real. i know what makes these people this small now. i know this demands it of them. ill explain in more detail in a minute. 
its 9 am and my backs already sore. i know where the bitterness comes from 

they have to

people are passionate about their small small small small lives. 

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