expensive cafees, living someone elses life for 45 minutes

middle class girls going to expensive cafees, as if going somewhere you dont belong isnt bad for your soul. taking photos of it, it hurting a little bit when its 5 times what you could be paying for a coffee. blogging "one day i dream of owning a gucci bag, but this will due until then" is at least showing some sort of restraint in being a delusional mess but dreaming about it is bad too.
 
now, fine, thats a lot of talking from someone whos in love with someone that without a doubt is upper class, but you know, eh, introspection is something else. 
 
anything you have to justify to yourself in order to buy, you shouldnt have. this is as true for me.

the reward not the act

people get everything confused all the time. you need to worry about the cause. always. bad skin isnt bad skin, its a bad life
 
doing the right thing for the wrong reason, eventually, might become, the right thing. its more of the right thing than doing the wrong thing at least, but its much more likely that youll be doing the right thing so negligently, so  stupididy, not knowing youre holding something fragile, a light that is easily blown out, and youll have so much time, all of your time, actually, to pervert it. and when youre perverted, and you are, you cant help but pervert everything and anything you touch. 
 
you feel better when its less clutter. but committing to a thing like miniamlism, for the greed of spending less, for the aesthetic, makes you think youre good. makes you think theres something pure about this. and as a result you get even less pure than you would than if you were doing the wrong thing, knowing its wrong. 
 
doing isnt all. how and why. isnt even all. but its more. 
 
wanting to look good becomes that. not health. becomes sacrificing everything for that. 
 
most people dont wanna spend their life working. they want money so they can spend it. poor person mindset. what would we do if we all of a sudden got money we hadnt deservered. not, what if we worked for it. lets skip that. of course. lets skip the part in the movie where the main character struggles. 
 
 i have a problem with context, and i regulary think its a problem, and sometimes it is. but its also just not making assumptions i cant afford. now. of course. fine. most of the time you can afford them. but words mean something else, always. someone being a minimalist isnt what ive decided it is. and you half romantizicing it because it looks nice isnt the same as an old man who has realized he doesnt need or want more from this world. but it also has to extend. it cant just be sacridicing some comforts. it needs to be much more. trying is fine, but i dont look up to trying. 
 
someone writing a book isnt impressive unless ive read and loved the book. it isnt the achivement, it isnt the word of the thing, it is what that becomes in the world. theres as many addictions as there are people. sickness is more widespread in us and in others than we know. than we have words for. dont let the suit be why you cant spot sickness 

0935

eventually people will stop reading a blog youre never updating! huh! i cant believe it 

NOTES

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*whispers* were so much bigger than the world

well, i am

WHAT IF WE WIN A MILLION DOLLAR. WHAT IF WE GO TO HELL.

YOU WIN THE LOTTERY BUT YOU NEVER BOUGHT A TICKET AND NOW YOU HAVE TO SAY NO TO THE PRICE OUT OF PRINCIPLE.

capitalism and men

swearing off capitalism and men makes no sense. when there no love capitalism is all thats left. poor substitutes for a life is now your life. 
 
pick a better path. 

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