draft

When you are thinking about ending something there comes a point where instead of ending it, it can remain JUST because it no longer means anything. If its as bad as its gonna get, theres nothing else to fear. Theres possibilities now. Opportunities. Ways out.  It doesnt remain. A relationship gets the tiniest bit better and you are scared to lose that. And you lose the thing that made this better. Not hoping for them to be not needing them to be. No longer being attached made it better. and now its good and safe to get attached to. and now youre in the swme trap. ending something. you dont, and everything that comes afterwards is a plus. the bad is expected and predicted and means nothing 
 
this is why this was a DRAFT. reading it makes me bite my nails 

2012

everything is the same but you know! i mean! you saw the flowers! you guess what happened! ill post some drafts. thats as good as i can do or as good as i will do 
 
im thinking about moving back to london. being 22 here is a waste. and i wouldnt want to be 30 there. i can be any age here. it matters more where you die. ive decided 
 
i probably wont move back to london 
 

aj aj aj

i havent decided to abandon the blog forever. but maybe

i figure im retarded

(null)

i figure id know. i figure that nothing thats worthwhile, thats truly meant for me, can EVER not be mine. i figure wed meet in 3 years and its perfect. and i figure if we dont it wouldnt ever have been

03:58

i hope ill be able to spot my next blessing because GOD knows i didnt spot you

.brave

giving something to someone is brave. whatever it is is about to be held exactly like you would. is about to be thought of exactly like you are. 

sounds stupid. but im touching these flowers and moving them around like i probably shouldnt. considering if i should throw them out knowing damn well ill hang them to dry so i can keep them forever. how is that for learning a lesson? 
 
so id say its brave but it isnt really. most people forget about you the second theyre handed something thats of use to them. give someone flowers. give anyone 
 
not me though! i hav eother things to do 
 
flowers are an insult and it makes perfect sense 

im pretending hes the one

(null)

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(null)


i was about to take something out of a post

but decided against it. decided none of you care and that you wouldnt even know the significance even if you did 

nothing is ever new or specific to us

(null)
Ideas die with newborns all the time 

Theres always a neighbourhood girl and theres always a neighbourhood boy and sometimes thats you. If it isnt this life, this man, this house, this future, its another. and hundreds more. We can do so much better. and tell us why wed ever want to

what room are you trying to get into? what room are you trying to stay out of? and do we think you can tell the difference. what do we create your life around. which part of us is going to be forced to starve 

👵🏻🍷




Heres a house on fire

Our future isnt mine 

these flowers are not for me. ill look at them like they are though. ill need a few days

(null)


i have to draft this

everything is true at the same time. wheres carl jung

i hate the flowers you sent me and i love them. i havent decided what i feel or i havent decided what to tell you. i feel bad without bothering you about it so do the same for me. and dont ever give up on this because im not going to

grand gestures seem small. that one im sure of

it makes sense id get everything i want in a way where i in reality get none of it. its fair, kinda 




from outcast

"i dont want her back. i dont mean it that way. i mean Kat is still in there somewhere. but now everything is different, exciting. she tastes things like theyre brand new. can you imagine that. your first beer your first fight your first fuck. all over again."
"Lenny"
"please. that woman that i woke up next to this morning, Shes the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with"

his wife gets possessed by a demon and he does everything he can to make sure she stays that way. thats love for you. me over you. forever. 

its a mans world. it has to be. a woman would never be so fucking cruel 




10:52

(null)
they are growing old together so they dont mind. i dont know how i want to spend the next 5 minutes. forget the next 50 years

the reason i look at everything like it can hurt me is because it can

hi


10:47

my fathers oldest brother and his wife are in the kitchen so im hiding in my bedroom. he has my grandmothers eyes. i feel too seen

im leaving the house in 30 minutes

Om

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