"in my head im thinking.." mmm concious thoughts. men. other people. planning. SCHEMING. thinking conciously what do i get out of this. not just going with the moment. manipulating the moment
its easy to mistake everyone else for you. you think its not but. it is. you assume whats in you is in others and bla bla bla BLA. whats in me is a complete lack of concious manipulation. theres no thought out. oh i shouldnt say this because then he will think i ...... none of that. sure, i dont reveal things but thats all for another reason. i dont reveal speciifcally the negative or the positive  i reveal none of it.
i dont think more thn.  iwant to do this. im going to do this.
so. obviously. other people ascribe you THEIR motives. they think about something. i sohuld leave. not just i wanna leave i will. they think of a reason. really think of it. meanwhile im doing whatever i want, not thinking maybe i should tell someone im leaving. thats actualy a real thing. wasnt even aware of that shit. not saying im going. being oblivious. i dont even mind it i wish more people would be. stop feeling so. entitled. or something to everyone elses time. to knowing where everyone else is at any time.
not confusing others in the most simplistic terms. describe yourself in three words. tell me why i should do this. how about i dont and how abotu you die 
who knows! its 0043 i dont have class tomorrow and im never doing anything i should and im not starting tonight. vodka with tea fucking sucks, also, in case anyone is retarded enough to try that


sexuality is a problem. mine and everyone elses which is what makes it boring. its something everyone struggles with. cant deal with. dont know how to deal with. 
men go for purity. women go for its opposite. theres no need to want what you already have. thats why i go for lack of shame. lack of anything that looks like that. actually there has to be more than a lack of it. there has to be its opposite and lots of it. so much of it that it gurantees that id never be in the same room as you ever simply because i wouldnt allow myself to be. 
i keep forgetting every woman in the entire world isnt me so when i speak about us and them know that us is just me. and them is. well. all of them. im sure there are some exceptions and im sure i dont care
its different. its liking, wanting whats bad for yo because whats good for you creates new problems. new devils to deal with. new sins you gotta figure out how to navigate around instead of seeing through them. becoming better you stay the same so you dont get worse but you. get worse. bla bla bla. vodka and orange juice is a blessing from someone but it sure isnt god 

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